I have been gone.

I have have been gone. I'm not sure when I'm coming back. I've got other things to do right now. I went about two months of not adding to this blog and I still get visitors. Life is still strange, but wouldn't want it any other way. I've eat at least two meals a day for a month or two now. My weight is stable. I don't know what else to say. For the better or worse, life goes on until it's over. At some point we help make our own paths. I just had to knock quite a few people off of me so I could help make my path. It might get better, but there is no real need. Other than putting my thoughts together, I don't see me using this blog much any more. It helped me through a very dark time. A time I had to let the light in. I used this blog as a way to do that. I made many people distant from me because of it. I think this blog has helped me in ways nothing else could have. I'm signing off.

EFF: Homepage

EFF: Homepage: "EFF is a nonprofit group of passionate people — lawyers, technologists, volunteers, and visionaries — working to protect your digital rights."

Today is the 4th of July. Today makes me think of freedoms. I don't think I'm free, but I've said that before. Sometimes I wounder if I'm still a small child trying to think about what kind of life I would of had if I had of gone free. The time period might be different, but that child is still there. Although I see a life getting closer and closer, a glass wall might be between me and that life. I can see it, but I can't touch it.

I always prided myself for finding a way to make it through my childhood. Now I see myself as in the way and my chances for the things I've always wanted are behind me. I don't know what to look forward to any more. Maybe my older brother had it best of all, he got out early. I hope he is happy. A life can be taken in many different ways. If mine was going to be taken, I wish a better job had been done many years ago.

I need to rap this blog up.

Longtime ABC movie critic Joel Siegel dies

Longtime ABC movie critic Joel Siegel dies: "NEW YORK -- Joel Siegel, a longtime movie critic for WABC-TV and 'Good Morning America' who racked up five New York Emmy Awards for his insightful work, died Friday, the television station said. He was 63."

Not much to blog about. Been to Franklin Street a few times. Maybe... who knows. I never know when to make a move.

Work is crazy. School is always on my mind. Eating more food right now. Have not kept up with keeping track of food, but have eaten 3 meals per day.

I need a partner.

I Was Pulled Over While Walking For Being An Arson Suspect!

While walking to Franklin St to get a smile (a got a repeater) I was pulled over by the Carrboro Police Department for being an arson suspect. I had to empty my pockets (didn't care to as every one drove by, but anyway)and give a bit of information. I fit the description of the person seen at the fire: A white guy wearing a white tee shirt. My tee shirt has writing on it, but check out all leads I guess.

Meeting at work went rather well and better than I expected. I was given written notice of a pay increase while there.

B- Two fig newtons & coffee.
L- Leftover lasagna and power drink.
D- Almost completed lasagna leftovers w/soy milk.

Work tomorrow will come early.

MyPyramid.gov - United States Department of Agriculture - Home

MyPyramid.gov - United States Department of Agriculture - Home: "One size doesn't fit all."

This is my third attempt for this post. Blogger is not saving very well.

B- Egg & cheese croissant, hash browns, coffee
L- Two candy, two sodas
S- Spinach, two veggie burgers w/o buns

I miss Adam so much again. I need to wait until he contacts me. Mother is learning how to drive again! She is coming along.

Palmer is a surrogate friend. He has quite a few friends. I enjoy living with him. However, on days like today, I'm very lonely. I walked to Franklin St. the other night and caught a couple of smiles. Maybe I'll go again tomorrow night.

Went to MD today. I'm keeping good records about work conditions per good advise from smart person.

I miss someone else too, but that is another story for another day.

Movie Review: A Mighty Heart by Racheline Maltese — films, film, angelina jolie | Gather

Movie Review: A Mighty Heart by Racheline Maltese — films, film, angelina jolie | Gather: "After false leads and false reports of his death, Daniel Pearl was eventually beheaded, probably on February 1, 2002. The beheading was video taped and his body later was found cut into ten pieces. Marianne Pearl went back to France, had their baby and continues to work as a journalist. "

Palmer and I went to see this movie tonight. A must see, but only one time. I don't think many people could watch this movie twice. This movie was too real to watch again.

Although I had decided to blog about this movie and Palmer instead of a lengthy post about what is going on with the job front, Palmer had suggested I blog about this before he left the apartment a few minutes ago. I don't know that he actually ever reads this blog, so I'll share what he said to me.

He told me to start a log (or use a blog) to keep track of what I was eating. He doesn't think I eat enough. I'll at least pay more attention to the food I eat. I asked him (half jokingly) if this meant he needed me. He responded (and if felt good) something to the effect of if he had to be totally honest and give a very selfish answer than yes, he did need me.

Back to the MD in the morning.

When is it time to move on?

Management Craft: When is it time to move on?: "When we NEED a particular job we might fail to scrutinize the company and the position. We focus on getting an offer and are thrilled to accept it. But when you are proactively moving on, you need to ensure that you are looking out for your interests and needs."

I think it is time to move on. My job has informed me I'm not qualified to be a nurse. Nurses with less nursing education than I have are demanding a medical evaluation of my fitness to remain a nurse. I don't understand how this is in their scope of practice, but they seem to think so.

My supervisor and manager have e-mailed those in the hospital system I work in supplying my name and what they see as the nature of their decision. I see this as a severe violation of my privacy. They could of asked for suggestions as to what to do without giving my name or stating any medical issues that would single me out.

I'm not allowed to return to work without a medical examination that they have not scheduled (that I know of) and I have not been told what I will be exposed to, tests required to take, or what information I will have to give to be put in my personal file for others to read. All they have to do is not make an appointment (I have no say as to who I can or can not agree to examine me) and I'm out of a job. I have seen this coming. I also see them asking the nursing board to agree I'm an unfit nurse.

We had a nurse whom was hours late on her medication passes every day she worked. Many times I helped pass her 10am medications at 2pm because I felt it was unfair for her patients to wait so long for their medications. On one such day the patient and family complained of the lateness of the medication pass and a few other things. This manager knew of this as well as the supervisor at the time. A newer nurse working the next shift was to take the blame for this patient having bad care causing this nurse to jump from a two story window in an attempt to kill herself. The nurse hours late on her medication pass kept her job. My actions are now to be seen as worse than this nurse and I'm unfit to continue as a registered nurse. This would mean my last requirement of finishing my masters paper would be useless because I would not qualify for a graduate degree in nursing. Nice timing.

I only have three defences.

1. I have been completely overworked for about a year now and not permitted to take time off. As I got too sick to work I gave notification I was going to apply for FMLA. Later this same day they claim they asked me to apply for FMLA and not to return to work until I had their required examination. I was also sent copies of e-mails that were sent out to other hospital personal stating I was unfit to work as a nurse. The proper route would of been to have someone with the authority to demand a physical/mental examination to set down with me and asked if we could come to an agreement as to an examination that everyone would be satisfied with. Instead I was totally left out of the equation.

2. When I was being subject to being sexually molested by the hospital Chaplin, he told me there was nothing I could do about it as I would loose my job because of his relationship with my manager. I should of filed a complaint and sued the hospital then. I just wanted it to end and I wanted to keep my job. I played the perfect fucking idiot.

3. The new supervisor was my co-worker. She would sexually harasses me and encourage other employees to join in. When I explained I didn't have to do more work than the other nurses just because I was a male I was laughed at. I explained I was more than willing to help as much as any one else, but not more. If people needed equipment to help do jobs they couldn't do, they could not always use me as the extra needed equipment just because of my sex. This supervisor would laugh saying she raised her boys to be boys, her girls to be girls, and she was just a born and raised southern bell that could not be blamed for how she felt. I was humiliated on many occasions.

Now I wait for an appointment card to come in the mail, or just watch my job dissolve into nothing if the card never arrives.

I guess I'm just not the man they want for the job. They have won. It is just time to move on. However, this time I think I'll tell a few people about the sexual harassment.

ABC News: Low Testosterone Could Kill You

ABC News: Low Testosterone Could Kill You: "Men with low testosterone had a 33 percent greater death risk over their next 18 years of life compared with men who had higher testosterone, according to the study conducted by Dr. Elizabeth Barrett-Connor and colleagues at the University of California at San Diego. "

I know I use strong language at times, but compared to someone making the decision to laugh at me as they kill me, my language can be overlooked. I think all the doctors including that fucking bitch of a doctor at the student health center at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill have no right to be doctors. They are sadistic. They think it is a joke I need a medication to save my life. What a bunch of god damn fucking ass-holes to go through medical school and then find it humorous they can withhold lifesaving treatment because it makes such an accepted joke among themselves.

Low testosterone levels also can cause depression. I don't know why, but one of my son's friends killed himself the other day. He lived in my home for a while. I wish he was still living there. Here is the only story I can find about Kyle Wayne Guice.

BlueRidgeNow.com

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
May 15, 2007

Published Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sheriff IDs suspect who killed himself


-- T-N Staff


Transylvania County Sheriff David Mahoney has identified the man who died early Sunday as deputies attempted to put him under arrest as Kyle Wayne Guice.

Officials said Guice, 25, of King Road, was sought as a suspect after deputies received a call around 2:50 a.m. Sunday from another residence on King Road in reference to a first-degree burglary and attempted sexual assault.

Upon arriving at the scene, deputies began collecting evidence that led to the development of Guice as a suspect.

Mahoney said after officers went to Guice's house to arrest him, Guice committed suicide as officers attempted to take him into custody.

The sheriff said Guice died as a result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound but would not say where Guice shot himself.

"There was no indication that Guice knew the victim in this case," Mahoney said. "There were no items stolen from the home on King Road that Mr. Guice broke into."

Mahoney said the case is still being investigated, but is nearly closed

Here is more:

CITIZEN-TIMES.com: Obituaries

Kyle W. Guice
Henderson Co. – Kyle W. Guice, 24, went home to be with the Lord Sunday, May 13, 2007.
A lifelong resident of Henderson County. Kyle was a retail clerk, enjoyed movies, music, loved animals, and was an avid gamer.

He is the son of Sandra Aytes Anderson and his stepfather, John Anderson, of Fletcher, and the son of Kenneth Guice of Blantyre Community. He is also survived by his maternal grandmother, Martha Aytes of Fletcher; paternal grandmother, Frances Guice of Blantyre Community; several aunts, uncles, and nieces and nephews.

The funeral service will be held 4 p.m. Thursday at Trinity of Fairview with the Rev. Stacy Harris officiating.

Visitation will be from 2 to 4 p.m. prior to the service at the church.

Burial will follow at Hooper ' s Creek Baptist Church Cemetery.

The family requests memorials be made to: All Creatures Great and Small. P.O. Box 2116 Hendersonville, NC 28793.

Thos. Shepherd & Son Funeral Directors is in charge of the arrangements. An online register book is available at www.thosshepherd.com.

Published: 2007-05-16
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BlueRidgeNow.com

May 16, 2007

Published Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Kyle W. Guice, 24, of Henderson County went home to be with the Lord on Sunday, May 13, 2007.

He was a lifelong resident of Henderson County. He was a retail clerk, enjoyed movies and music, loved animals and was an avid gamer.

He was the son of Sandra Aytes Anderson and his stepfather, John Anderson, of Fletcher and the son of Kenneth Guice of the Blantyre community.

He is also survived by his maternal grandmother, Martha Aytes of Fletcher; paternal grandmother, Frances Guice of the Blantyre community; and several aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.

A funeral will be held at 4 p.m. Thursday at Trinity of Fairview. The Rev. Stacy Harris will officiate. Visitation will be held from 2 to 4 p.m. prior to the service Thursday at the church. Burial will follow at Hoopers Creek Baptist Church cemetery. The family requests memorials be made to All Creatures Great and Small, P.O. Box 2116, Hendersonville, N.C. 28793. An online register book is available at www.thosshepherd.com.

Thos. Shepherd & Son Funeral Directors is in charge of the arrangements.

France is reminded is was Americans who gave their lives so France could be free.

U.S., France talk of better ties on D-Day anniversary | International | Reuters: "NORMANDY (Reuters) - The United States and France called on Wednesday for a closer friendship after years of strained relations over Iraq as they marked the 63rd anniversary of the D-Day invasion that broke the Nazi hold on Europe."

The major focus of Normandy France still remains the D-Day invasion on the 6th of June 1944 where the Allied armies under General Eisenhower landed to free occupied France and Europe from Nazi control.

American men walked into almost certain death so France, Europe, and the rest of the world would forever know America would always stand for freedom, regardless of the cost. D-Day is the turning point in history when Americans said freedom will always win or we will die first.

What disturbs me is when France had to make a decision as to who they would give the benefit of the doubt and say "We are here for you" they said that to Iraq, not America. How many from Iraq marched into gunfire in the name of freedom on French soil that day?

The Open Source Definition (Annotated)

My link has to do with open source. I think open source is the direction to go, but if you don't know what is helping other people (mainly non-open source) you can't understand how to develop usable products. The nursing vocabulary I'm doing my master's paper on is about an open source vocabulary development. However, if I don't have a very clear understanding on what people are using and are comfortable with, my ideas would be dead before they got off the ground.

I only mention this because of some help I asked for earlier today. I don't know enough about the subject to know if there is open source versions, but the conversation degraded quickly because of a non-open source reference. Putting computer code above someones thoughts, ideas, and feelings is something I don't understand.

I guy from SILS gave me a ride home today. I've met him once before. The ride was nice and we live within a very short walking distance from each other. Maybe a friendship? I called Adam's grandpa which resulted in Adam sending me an e-mail and accepting my chat invitation. He is slow to respond, but that is a start.

The person I wanted to accept my friendship on Facebook did. I'll leave him alone. I just wanted the response and I'm still finishing a written story about how and why my feelings towards him developed and how I had to confront the reality the feelings were not mutual in any respect.

Mother called again the other night asking about Adam. Maybe he'll call her now that I've passed on the message.

I've taken three days off of work. I'll deal with the consequences this coming week. My room is mostly organized with little to go. I don't have happiness, but I do have hope. BTW, thanks for the e-mails from people that don't know me but show concern and support.